Invisible Dirt


If you’ve read my book ‘Household Management for Men ‘ (aka HM4MEN) you’ll be familiar with the concept of invisible dirt. This is dirt can be detected only by people with a certain medical condition, who are known to doctors as ‘women’.

Having spent a month in a Tbilisi apartment where the only cleaning equipment was a broom, a dustpan-and-brush and a duster, when it came time to do a bit of a clean-up – so the landlord and lady wouldn’t think I’m a slob, and by extension that all Australians are slobs – I wielded the broom. Applying it to an apparently clean floor I witnessed an astounding phenomenon. As the broom progressed along the surface of the floor, dirt appeared in front of it!


After some experimentation and coffee-assisted contemplation I concluded that the dirt became visible when it attained a certain critical mass. So by moving the broom along the floor the invisible dirt was aggregated, consolidated, concentrated to the point where visibility occurred.

And I wondered… if this can happen to invisible dirt, might it not also happen to dark matter? If we could devise something analogous to a cosmic broom, and sweep the dark matter before it, a critical mass might be reached that would force this shy substance to reveal itself.

So I’ve done the hard work – the insight bit. If some clever scientist-person will now take the next step and come up with the means to carry out my clever plan… well, I’ll be happy to share the Nobel Prize 50/50.

Bob Dylan and the Nobel Prize for Literature


Well, the dust has settled and there are other stories to occupy the minds of the newsmongers. Am I bitter? A little, I suppose. But I have to concede that Bob Dylan is a significant poet and, if it’s lifetime achievements we’re talking about, his lifetime as a writer trumps mine. So I’m happy to say, “Well done, Bob!” and wait my turn. I just hope the Nobel Committee appreciates that my lifetime is finite so they’d better get a move on.